Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Meet Elvira

I have a dilemma. My husband "The Dude" and I agreed to let our 21 year old stepson "Young Dude" move into our house with his 21 year old girlfriend. Lets call her "Elvira". The first time I met this girl, he brought her home to meet us and she stayed in the car. He said she was very shy and was afraid to come inside. I thought that was weird, but I'm pretty damn sociable so I figured I could break the ice and make her feel at ease. So I went out to the car and motioned for her to roll the window down - seriously, I stood there for a few seconds and she just looked down at her lap trying to ignore the fact that Young Dude's step-mom was standing next to the window. We talked briefly, made introductions and I asked her to come inside. She stared at her feet the whole time and made as little conversation as possible. Afterwards, I commented to The Dude that she seemed nice, but very shy and insecure. Which, honestly, might be a good match for Young Dude because he's a little weird and socially inept as well.

Elvira lived with a roommate in a different town and her and Young Dude continued to date for a few months - he usually stayed with her, although he technically lived with us. He was tired of driving to this other town and they discussed moving to the town where we lived and her finding a job and they getting their own place. Young Dude has a very well paying job, but he travels a lot with it and may be gone for a week or two at a time. While he was out of town for work, he called and told me Elvira quit her job at Subway and was losing the place she was currently living. He asked me if they could stay with us for a brief time until they found their own place. The Dude and I thought this would be fine, so I hauled her and all of her shit to our house. We used AAA to tow her piece of shit car that does not run, to our house. The day I moved her to our house, she informed me it was her birthday. It was also 104ยบ and she was wearing jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt. I asked her if she was burning up, she said she was, but that she didn't have any clothes that fit her as she had gained weight and didn't have money to buy new clothes. So yes - I took her shopping. Went to Kohl's and spent about $300 for a variety of clothing, mostly casual, but a nice pair of black pants and some dressier blouses to wear for job interviews. She was very cordial and appreciative and had expressed that she had never received such a nice birthday present. She has had a very sad childhood that I won't go into at this time, but upon hearing just the small bits she shared with me - it's no wonder this girl has issues. I was hoping that by extending some love, friendship and being welcomed into our family that perhaps she would come out of her shell and gain a little confidence. She really is a nice girl - but man, she is -- I don't even know the word... weird.

We spent a few days together - went grocery shopping together, some shoe shopping, drove around town and looked at some apartments they might be interested in. We have a spare car, an old Honda, that I gave her the keys to and $20 for gas money and told her she had full privilege to drive this car if she needed to go anywhere, or for a job interview, etc. I didn't want her to feel cooped up or stranded at this house full of relative strangers while her boyfriend was out of town for work. She never went anywhere. The money and the keys stayed on the bar in the kitchen for over a week before I finally put them away.

Then I started noticing unusual behavior. Staying up unusually late - like until 6am in the morning and then sleeping until (I assume sleeping, as she is in the bedroom with the door shut) 10pm or midnight. I tend to be a night owl myself, but I'm usually up until midnight or 2-3am at the latest. She stopped joining us for dinner and I began to wonder if she ate at all. There have been times I've knocked on her door to see if she's okay - times when I haven't seen her at all in 3 or 4 days. She seems to listen for when we go to bed and then she comes out and might eat a bowl of cereal or something simple - I'll find a dirty dish or a container in the trash, but that's the only sign that she even left the room. 

When Young Dude returned home from work, she came out of hibernation and was more sociable. What I mean by this is that she might say "hi" or glance at us as she passed through the living room to the back end of the house where Young Dude and Elivira share the second living room in privacy. Young Dude talked to his Dad about them just living with us so they can save money to "get on their feet".  His Dad agreed and I agreed - under the following terms:

  1. They need to keep their shit picked up. They have full use of a bedroom, bathroom and a super large second living room - but the living room and bathroom need to stay picked up. If they want to keep their bedroom looking like filth, they can but keep the door shut. 
  2. Rent is $500 a month.
  3. They are welcome to eat with us, or to eat whatever we have in our pantry - but I am not a restaurant and will not cook for them or clean up their dishes. They have their own refrigerator and microwave in the "big room" and usually just nuke their own food.
  4. Elvira has to get a full-time job -- or a part-time job if she chooses to return to college full-time. But I don't want her living off of him - at least not in our home. If he wants to fully support her, then he can do so in their own place - not ours.
This was 2 months ago. Young Dude has paid $250 towards rent, once. The big room is a mess and there is hair and whisker shavings all over the bathroom. They leave their dirty dishes on the counter - unrinsed, so by the time I get to it, the shit is hard and crusty and hard to get off. And Elvira still hasn't gotten a job.

It gets worse.

The Dude also travels a lot for work and so often it is just me, Elvira and my youngest daughter at home... we will call youngest daughter, "Lucy".  The reason I call the girlfriend "Elvira" is because she's like a vampire. I rarely see her during daylight hours - if at all. Her hair is died "Goth" black and she is the palest person I have ever seen. She could be pretty, I guess - but it's mostly the way she carries herself. If she could crawl inside a shell, she would and you see that from her, the way she's always looking down and keeps her arms tucked closely in like she's got to keep a fortress up around her. And she's doing a good job of that. The new clothes I bought her? I've seen her wear one blouse. Once. It's big hoodie sweatshirts and jeans - all the time, even if it's smokin' hot outside. Weird.

She claims she has put in a lot of online applications. She had one callback from Blockbuster and she went in for an interview - this was the one time I saw the blouse. She said they had to do a background check, but if that came out okay, she had the job. This was 3 weeks ago, so either her background check didn't clear or she didn't follow up somehow. I have no idea. How can someone NOT get hired by Blockbuster? Maybe they thought she looked kinda freaky and insecure. As an employer, I would. We live in an upscale area - kinda preppy... snobbish even. Don't judge me - I am as far from a snob as you will ever meet. As far as the job hunting goes, I think she needs to GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE and drive around to put in applications. Then if they want her to apply online, do so and call them and inform them that you did the online thing and here's my name, etc. 

I digress - here's the "it gets worse" part.

We recently had a death in the family, The Dude and Young Dude's family. We went to the home of the deceased. Young Dude and Elvira showed up and Elvira stayed in the car. In. The. Car. We all went to the funeral service. Elvira stayed in the car. We went to the cemetery. Elvira stayed in the car. We went back to the house to eat lunch, visit, etc. Elvira stayed in the car. FOR FIVE FUCKING HOURS. Not once did the girl show her face. This is Young Dude's entire fucking family - most of whom she hadn't met and she did not leave the car. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT? I can understand it if she "doesn't do funerals" because of some deaths she dealt with in her childhood - but why not meet the family? Eat lunch? He actually drove her to a gas station so she could use the bathroom because she wouldn't come in the house. 

I honestly don't see him putting up with this kind of weird behavior for long. I sure hope not. 

To me - it was the most disrespectful thing I have ever witnessed. I wish it had been one of my family members - not the death, shit - not that... but IF the situation had been on my side of the family and she pulled that shit - someone, probably my brother - if not myself, would've been knocking on the car window and asking her "What the fuck is your problem?"  "Why the fuck did you even come if you're just going to sit out here?"  We're more direct that way. This family thought it was all weird, but no one badgered Young Dude about it - except me. I find it intolerable and I'm not a person who thinks people should put on airs and be superficially sociable - but c'mon - this was the death of a close family member of her boyfriend's.  Show some decency for God's sake.

I haven't seen her since the funeral. Which was 6 days ago. When I do - IF I do - I'm very likely going to give her a piece of my mind. Young Dude might be upset with me because of it, but fuck it - he can deal with it or move the hell out.

Whew - I feel a little better now.

Blogbitch #1 - OUT


Blogbitch # 2 said...

Well, I'm happy that one of us feels better! It's going to take a lot more for me to feel better, lol.

Hey - maybe you could slip a rent invoice under the door every day until they pay up or move out. Seriously though, they sound so typical of so many 21 year olds. Well, except for the weird vampire/goth thing & Elvira. You just need to let them know who the boss is when Young Dude comes back this next time. Preferrably, with The Dude standing firmly behind you.

I learned the hard way that we don't do our kids any favors when we are soft on them & let them get away with shit. And they will continue to get away with all kinds of shit until you don't let them. Good luck my Sistah From Anothah Mothah.

Blogbitch # 1 said...

Yeah, I'd say the writing is on the wall and this "arrangement" is not going to work out. The Dude is going to have to be the one to lay down the law. He doesn't police my children and I don't police his. But, since I'm his Love Goddess, he'll do whatever I want. LOL

I had a dream that Young Dude came to me and asked me if I would drive her back to her home (in another state) the next time he left town for work. We'll see if that turns out to be true. By the way, I won't drive her 1600 miles but I'll buy her a bus ticket.

I agree about not doing the kids any favors which is why I insisted she get a job. Even the PRINCESS wouldn't be allowed to move back in with us if she slept 20 hours a day and did nothing. Only THE QUEEN can pull that off. (Me.) LOL

Holy Crappers said...

Oh she sounds like she needs a kick in the ass and prob some nail polish remover to take off the black nail polish.


Holy Crappers said...

OK she scares me.
WTF is with these kids?
5 hours she sat in a car?